Creating Shared Meaning with your Partner

Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t mean that love will stay alive without nurturing your partnership. Do you sometimes ask yourself, “What is missing from my marriage?” .

The missing piece my be what Dr John Gottman, relationship expert, refers to as shared meaning. A thriving marriage is more about chores, kids and bills. It is also about building a meaningful relationship that has a spiritual dimension and is rich in rituals of connection.

Creating shared meaning can include sharing, processing and implementing a common dream or vision in your life. For instance, your goals may include volunteering or giving back to the community, raising your children a certain way or adopting a healthy lifestyle. Regardless of what they are, they strengthen your bond as a couple.

Creating shared meaning can also be making daily or weekly rituals of connection that also enable you build shared meaning. Carve out time to be together and spend time doing enjoyable activities that bring you both like. Couples need to make a commitment to spending quality time together.

Rituals of Connection define you and your partner’s life as a couple. You create them together. Rituals of connection can be formal, such as how you celebrate birthdays and holidays. They can be informal and simple as getting dinner from the place you both love every Friday night or saying goodbye in the morning and reunions at the end of the day.

One shared dream that my husband and I have had since the beginning of our relationship is the love of dance. That is how we met; in a dance class. We both love learning this art and enjoy working together to create a connection and expression of our coupleship on the dance floor. For special occasions, we will get involved and prepare for a dance showcase to share our art with the community. It has been a beautiful way to add fun and meaning in our relationship.

(If you have thought about partner dancing with your significant other, my husband, Edmundo and I highly recommend Dance Life Studio in the Alon in San Antonio, TX. They have encouraging and professional dance instructors. The community is lovely too.)

Couples who take the time to develop shared meaning (goals and rituals of connection) are more likely to cultivate intimacy – a hallmark of matured and lasting love. Enrich your relationship by creating shared meaning with your partner.

Kimberlee Daughtry -Lopez, MA, LPC-S, CGT

Kimberlee is an expert in the Gottman method and loves helping couples thrive.